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There is just something that makes women NOT get attracted to men who have lower STATUS than themselves. There is always tension when a lady is taller than her man, she makes more money than him or when a guy is being ‘led around’ by his girlfriend or wife..

SCENE 1 You ask the lady where she would like to go. If she seems indifferent, make a decision: take her to a place YOU know and think she would like.If you don’t, she won’t see you as a leader.

SCENE 2 If you are dating this lady who seems so beautiful, such great company and seems successful too, you think you like her A LOT. You ask her out a second time and she agrees.

DO NOT:

1 tell her that you’re beginning to have feelings for her

2. do not call her the next day to ask her out again. You need to: give her a little space – let her ‘miss’ you just a bit.Let her pursue you.

SCENE 3. You meet this nice babe and get her phone number and email address. You set a date and what? – she doesn’t turn up. she was ‘busy’.Call her tomorrow and she is still ‘busy’. What happened? This ‘babe’ probably committed herself and later changed her mind… What to do? Give her a few days and then call again- confront her with her poor behaviour.

If there is no change, move on.

HOT TIP:

When you ask a lady what she ‘wants to do’, you put her in control. Most women DO NOT LIKE THIS. It makes them well uncomfortable.

* If you can’t make up your mind about where to take her, and then wind up taking her to her favourite cafe, you have failed.Why? You have shown that you CAN’T LEAD.
*Remember to always treat your girlfriend / date well.
So – what kind of men are women attracted to?
~Men who LEAD. Men who are in control of themselves and situations.
~Men who MAKE DECISIONS and stand by them. (This is why you can
ask a girl what she wants and take her to her favourite cafe / club
tell her how you feel about her and watch as she loses interest in you.)
~Men who treat them well but don’t allow the woman to control them.
~Men who show respect for women enough to take no for an answer.
~Men who look after their personal hygiene and grooming
~ Men who show interest in the lady – as a person not as a sex object.
The list goes on.

CONCLUSION:

Attraction is not like other areas of life.It just happens. Guys, being too ‘nice’ won’t earn you any more points. Attraction seems to be triggered by things that make no sense at all and can be easily destroyed. ver to you…

AUTHOR:
Award winning Beauty Specialist / Make up Artist
Lucy Nadia Muyemba is an online entrepreneur
with 2+ experience as a match maker.
Subscribe to receive her free Steps to Success newsletter. send a blank email to: 4menonly@realreply.com

Or visit http://datingadvisor.psend.com for 1000s of thought provoking Dating, Beauty and Self development tips.

So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly old enough and moving

well along your chosen career path. Many of your friends are either married

or in committed relationships. You have grown weary of the singles scene

and the solitary life. Therefore, you must be ready, right?

Not necessarily.

So what is relationship readiness anyway? Exactly what it says. You are

adequately capable of handling the commitment and challenges that a

healthy, intimate relationship requires.

How do you know if you are ready? What are the characteristics you need

to have or acquire in order to be ready for true love?

There are four primary areas that you should explore in order to assess

your present state of readiness.

1. Take an inventory of past traumas and related major issues.

You should mentally review these and honestly look at how well you

have already addressed and resolved them.

As you work through each, ask yourself, “Is this impacting me negatively

in my present life.” Also explore with yourself the possibility that the

issue could become problematic once you have entered into an intimate

relationship.

If you believe that there are things you have not yet adequately dealt with, you

need to go to work on these. If you are unsure, then they bear closer

examination. Consider utilizing resources such as therapy or joining a

support group.

An example of such issues can include, but not be limited to;

emotional, physical or sexual abuse in childhood, parents’ divorce, loss

of a parent or other loved one, or a past abusive or dysfunctional love

relationship.

2. How’s your self-awareness and self-esteem?

If you do not possess adequate self knowledge and a positive sense of self; an intimate relationship will be difficult or impossible to sustain.

For instance, do you know yourself well enough to answer the following?

Can you state your most deeply held values?

Do you know what you can’t live with or without in a relationship?

Do you have a good grasp of your life goals?

Do you know your own strengths and weaknesses?

Now, do a quick assessment of your self-esteem.

How do you see yourself?

How do others see you?

Remember you present different selves:

at work

with family

with friends

in gatherings with acquaintances

If your answers tell you that you have difficulty accepting and liking

yourself, or if others frequently respond negatively to you in your

interactions with them, then this is an area you should begin work on.

Self-love is at the foundation of all healthy relationships.

3. Are your past relationships really in the past?

If we don’t get adequate closure on painful experiences/issues from

past relationships, we are at risk of bringing them into present and

future relationships in order to relive and resolve them.

Therefore, it’s important to know that you have dealt adequately with

any significant hurt or loss and have learned from any dysfunctional

dynamics you may have contributed to.

If you find yourself slipping into unhealthy patterns in your thoughts or

Behaviors as they relate to others; stop, identify, and then deal with

that leftover issue.

4. Do you know what you want from a relationship?

We enter into relationships for many different reasons and with many

different expectations. Knowing what yours are will help you to

determine if this is the right relationship for you.

Too often we “choose” someone using an unconscious level of thought

as our primary input. It is there that we hold our deepest unmet needs,

fears and desires. Unfortunately, there is often a chasm between our

conscious and unconscious selves that keeps this information

“hidden” from our rational and thinking side.

Therefore, it is very important to examine all of your feeling and needs

regarding any future relationship. Honestly look at what you must have

and cannot live without.

You must know what you want and need from a future partner in order

to choose the right one for you.

Now, spend some time exploring these four important areas before you

enter into a serious romantic relationship. By doing so, you will be

helping to ensure that your new relationship will be a healthy and

lasting one.

Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman’s Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Mens Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, Dear Dating Coach. Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.

We are all too familiar with the term “body language”. There have been books, workshops and endless discussions spawned by it.

But do you really KNOW how to interpret the non-verbal messages that other people broadcast on a continual basis in their interactions with you?

There are two levels of communication that occur in any interaction:

content

process

Content refers to what we SAY.

Process refers to EVERYTHING ELSE that occurs.

Interactions can be wrought with mixed signals- saying one thing and non-verbally communicating another.

No wonder so many singles report confusion regarding what their date was really thinking or feeling. On the surface, understanding this language can seem very difficult, if not impossible. Not so, if you learn to speak the non-verbal language of process.

The following tips will be presented using examples of naturally (and commonly) reported dating scenarios experienced by singles.

1. Good eye contact/ poor eye contact

When you are sitting and talking with your date, do you notice how they look at you, when you or they are speaking?

When their eye contact is good, this is a sign that they feel comfortable and interested in you. They are really involved in the interaction and want to be there. It also communicates honesty and sincerity.

Conversely, when your date has difficulty making eye contact, this communicates discomfort; lack of interest or it could be extreme shyness. The last would be easy to know if they are a shy person in general.

2. Restlessness

Have you ever experienced the restless date? You know the one. He moves around in his chair, she looks at her watch, and his mind seems somewhere else. He may or may not offer an explanation.

What appears to be going on is that her mind IS somewhere else.

This behavior communicates a lack of interest or a preoccupation with someone or somewhere else.

3. Looking around at others a lot and not at you

Have you ever had the unpleasant experience of being out with someone who watches the crowd the whole time? Perhaps, they just glance furtively (and frequently) around the room?

This, of course, signals lack of interest, possible discomfort and a desire to avoid interaction with you.

It can also be a general sign of someone who is not trustworthy, or at the very least, hasn’t been completely honest/ candid with you.

4. Is noticeably quiet

Oh, how deafening is silence. It can speak volumes.

If your date has little to say to you what does this mean?

Maybe they are just not very interested in you.

Perhaps they don’t think you would care to hear what they have to say.

Maybe they think you wouldn’t appreciate hearing what they are really thinking.

Perhaps they are in an off or sour mood.

Only you can interpret this. Be careful not to quickly write it off to something you want it to be, as opposed to what it really is.

5. Stiffening or closed-in body posture

You know what YOU do in uncomfortable situations.

You fold your arms tightly across your chest.

You stiffen your spine

You tightly cross your legs.

You turn your body at an angle away from the person you are facing

You lean away from the person you are with

Of course, the reverse is true when the interaction feels good.

You lean forward

Your arms are relaxed or laying open to the person

You face the other person directly

Your posture is relaxed and at ease

It’s fairly easy to interpret the closed-in posture.

The other person feels uncomfortable

They aren’t open to the interaction with you

They would rather not be there

If this is a first date, it will probably be the last.

6. Physical Contact

Perhaps the easiest communication to read correctly is that of touch.

If your date avoids taking your hand or putting his arm around you he may be uncomfortable or unsure.

He may also be shy, but you would already know that.

If someone you have been dating for a while begins to exhibit changes in their level of eye contact, body posture, attention to you, availability and/or becomes restless or less communicative, pay attention. Their feelings have shifted. Be careful not to be too quick to explain it away. More than one occurrence should set off your silent alarm. Make sure that what they say matches what they don’t say.

Other (non-verbal) expressions that you should listen to that can suddenly occur during the course of a dating relationship are:

Calling less or not calling

Change in voice tone

Becoming busy and not having time to get together

Lateness

Missing dates without calling or having a plausible excuse

Moodiness- irritation/impatience/anger outbursts

If your date or boyfriend/girlfriend sends you any of the above (negative) signals, the best way to handle it is to comment in a direct (and gentle) way about it.

Then watch for what he/she DOES while you listen to their response.

This will give you all the information you need.

Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman’s Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Mens Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, Dear Dating Coach. Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.

Chances are that you have had a wide variety of experiences in your quest for meeting

singles. These can range from an event that yields several nice interactions and at least

one offer to get together for a date, to going home feeling frustrated and convinced you

are destined to be a dating failure.

If you had made a note of your mood, your general attitude, your level of comfort, (and

other related factors) after each experience, you would have some very useful information.

For the attributes you carry along with you to these social gatherings will have a

great impact on the outcome of each.

The following are tips for helping you to present the best you to others. As you read each,

do a quick inventory of how you rate in that area. It’s always helpful to ask friends to

weigh in with their observations. The more information, the better.

1. Present yourself as confident and in possession of a healthy self-esteem.

In general, people are attracted to those who appear confident and who feel good

about themselves. Certainly, this is a turn-on for you as well. If you feel desirable

and sexy, it makes sense that others will too.

If low self-esteem is a problem for you, this should be the first area you work on in

yourself. It is not necessary to have over the top confidence, just a sense that you

are someone that has a lot of positives to offer others.

Do some reading, take a class that teaches assertiveness and/or practice daily

affirmations. Remember also that when you treat yourself with respect and adhere

to healthy boundaries with others, you will foster a healthy sense of self.

2.Be Yourself

NEVER try to be someone you are not. Not only do you come across as insincere, you

also will present as uncomfortable and make others feel this way right along with

you.

Trying to be cool, aggressive, (etc.), generally just makes you awkward and unapproachable.

Relax, be natural, be the you that your friends and others who know and like you, see

and appreciate.

Think back to the times you have witnessed someone “acting” in a social situation,

and the general reaction of those around them. Then think about the people you

know who are good at meeting others. These are the people who present their true

(best) side.

3. Smile and Show Enthusiasm

Certainly you have encountered strangers who were sullen and appeared negative

and unapproachable. A smile can change all that.

Have an open and inviting expression. Make good eye contact. People are DRAWN

to others like this. Let that attractive stranger know you are open to meeting them

and happy to be there. If they have an interest back, this will pave the way for a

first interaction.

If you don’t feel like smiling it may be a good idea to sit this one out at home

with a movie or a good book or a low-key get together with a good friend.

4. Present Your Best Appearance

Always make your best effort in your grooming and choice of clothing.

Attractive is just that. It’s not about having beautiful features or a fantastic body.

It’s all about presenting what you have in the best light possible.

This also includes presenting an attractive personality. Be friendly, not pushy.

Be open, not indiscreet. Have opinions, don’t be a know-it-all. Always remember to

consider others’ feelings and needs. These interactions are not just about you.

5. Have Some Good Openings Lines Available

Hint: Natural conversation is best.

Some possible ones to consider:

*Do you know so and so?

*I noticed you were enjoying the music a lot, isn’t this a great band?

*Your drink looks good- what is it?

*I noticed you standing here alone and thought you may want some company.

Of course, the direct approach is ok too.

*Hi, I’m so and so, what is your name?

Remember that there are no rules anymore about who goes first. If you see

someone who interests you, go for it. Just remember that they may not return

your feelings. Then you move away gracefully, look around for someone

else that attracts you, and make an overture towards them.

Also remember that rejection is part of the process. If you let the fear keep you

from taking that first step, you will greatly lessen your chances of meeting and

connecting with compatible singles.

Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman’s Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Mens Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, Dear Dating Coach. Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.

Dating during the holiday season can be a special treat. Of course, in order to fully experience this you may need to re-order some priorities and make time for yourself and your own personal needs. Dont give into the temptation to put your social life on hold until after the New Year. Manage those work projects and family demands in a way that leaves you open to try some of the romantic and fun-filled activities that are available at this time of year.

The following 10 date ideas should help put you in the mood and may even inspire you to come up with a few on your own.

1.Have a progressive dinner together. Go to one place for your appetizer, another (romantic and intimate) place for your dinner; and then have dessert and coffee (nightcap), in a quiet spot with a beautiful view of holiday lights or other holiday views. Even better, go by limo, so you have all your time to focus on each other and dont have to worry about all the driving.

2. Take a holiday tour of historic homes in your area. Many areas of the country have these. Often they are done in the evening by candlelight. Afterwards, you can go for a walk and view the surrounding neighborhood lights and decorations. Finish with coffee in a quiet bistro.

3. Get dressed up and attend a holiday concert or play. You can spend a lot or very little on this kind of date, depending where you go for the entertainment. A nice little before or after meal fills out the evening.

4. Go and get hot chocolate with your date; then go look at Christmas lights or displays available in your area. Many places have dazzling displays that light up the night.

5. Go ice skating together. Find a nice place, not too crowded. This brings out the playful side and encourages a lot of interaction with each other. Hold hands, show off, race- be kids again!

6. Attend a religious service together. This could be accomplished by going to a place of worship that one (or both) of you belong to; or you could go to a non-denominational service. An evening service, followed by a supper in an intimate restaurant could fill you with a sense of well-being and peacefulness.

7. Throw a small holiday get-together with a few other couples (or friends). Plan an activity such as trimming the tree or lighting the menorah. Be sure to serve festive food and drink. A bonus would be to have a secret Santa gift exchange. This would be where each person brings a gift ($10.00 or less). Everyone picks a number. Person with number one begins with first selection. Go through all the numbers and open each gift in front of the group. Exchanging is fine and provides some extra fun. Lots of laughs and very interactive.

8. Choose your or his/her place, stay home, rent old holiday classics, light the fire and cook a simple but festive meal together. Play holiday music while you cook. Then watch (a few if you like) holiday favorites together. Or, you can bake Christmas cookies or other holiday treats together while listening to music and enjoying the fire.

9. Work at a soup kitchen one day (meal) together. Sharing the experience of giving is a wonderful way to get to know someone and deepen a relationship. It is also a great way to get into the true holiday spirit. After the clean up, go for a walk followed by coffee or a nightcap.

10. Go to a planetarium (if one is nearby). Enjoy the spectacular winter sky together. There is usually a guided show that you can experience as you sit closely, (perhaps hand in hand?). Try to pick out constellations together as you walk back to your car. It is always nice to have an intimate meal afterwards.

See if you can add some ideas of your own to this list. Then put aside several evenings over the next few weeks and awaken those feelings of peace, joy and goodwill for others.

Happy Holidays!

Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman’s Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Mens Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, Dear Dating Coach. Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.

Where are all the good men/women? You go to parties, sign up for various activities and ask friends and family if they know anyone they can introduce you to. Yet, your dating life has been more than a little disappointing. What is a guy/girl supposed to do to find quality people?

Begin by continuing to do what you have been doing. These are all good ways to meet people. However, you may need to expand your search to the world of online dating. This would allow you to expand your search and come into contact with interested and available singles you would never meet in the existing circles in which you now move.

Perhaps you are thinking, “I have already tried this with little or mixed success.” Maybe this too has become a source of disappointment and frustration and even despair. If so, you could be going about it the wrong way, or be in need of some information to put you on a track to better success. The first important step is writing your personal ad and choosing a good site to place it on.

The following are tips to help you write for success.

* Be Yourself

The goal of your ad is to attract the kind of person who would be compatible with you. You are looking for someone who shares your goals, values, sense of humor, lifestyle and perhaps religion or other specific criteria. If you put in information that is not true to who you are, you could send potentially good dates on to the next ad. You may also attract the kind of person you are not interested in.

* Be Sincere

Nothing is more attractive than sincerity. Think about it. Isn’t this a turn-on for you? If you are funny, be funny. If you are serious, be that. Use honesty in describing your traits and desires in a potential mate. If there is something that is a must-have for you in any future relationship, highlight it. Remember that when and if you move to the next step, the other person will experience you as you really are, regardless of what the picture you drew for them in your ad looked like.

* Write Like You Talk

This goes right along with being you. Don’t make your ad seem too contrived or rehearsed. You will loose that feeling of sincerity. Write a few drafts and just let the thoughts flow. Then go back and edit it. Make sure you spell check and check again. There is no bigger turn-off than someone who appears to have poor grammar or spelling.

* Be Specific, But Leave Out Hang-Ups and Other Negatives

This is a first step. You want to put your true best forward. The picture you paint should be upbeat and positive. Everyone has a past. It’s not wise too tell too much too soon. If you feel something is important, than put it in. A good example is “single mom”, “divorced father of two”, etc. Leave out the part about looking for someone to help me heal from a painful divorce.

Do not mention past relationships except to inform that you had one.

* Highlight Your Uniqueness

There are things about us all that make us uniquely who we are. Let your ad portray this. If you have a special talent, interesting career or pastime, let people know about it. If it’s important to you, it tells others much. If someone out there shares it, they will be drawn to what you have written.

Find a unique way to highlight yourself. If you look like someone well known, put that in. Just remember, if you look like Woody Allen, don’t portray yourself as a Robert Redford type.

* Avoid classic turn-offs

If you place a heavy emphasis on finding someone who is “beautiful” or “wealthy”, you will turn off many people- often the very people who hope to attract. No one wants to be wanted for his or her looks or bank account. It also says something about you. How about superficial?

* Use a Picture

This is very important. Ads that don’t have one get far fewer responses. Many singles are having a professional picture made of them. You want to look like your BEST self. A professional can usually do a much better job at a very reasonable cost if you shop around a bit.

* Post Your Ad On The Right Site

There are so many choices out there. Look for one that has a large membership of people who appear to be compatible with you. Make sure they have an enforced safety and privacy policy. There are specialty sites for people who seek a partner with a very particular passion or lifestyle. These include but are not limited to: animal lovers, vegetarians, advanced degreed professionals, and sites for people seeking those of the same faith.

If your requirements include someone within a close geographical distance, look for the sites that offer you a good selection.

Once you have given it careful thought and a little research and energy, write and post your ad for success.

Remember, we attract what we are, not what we want.

Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman’s Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Mens Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, Dear Dating Coach. Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.

In the last article, we concluded by saying that keeping your business and personal relationships separate is very important to the survival of both your business and your marriage. In this article we will talk about how to achieve this goal.

One of the most important ways to accomplish this is to set up distinct business hours, and when they are over, don’t discuss business, concentrate on your relationship. It is difficult, but make a concentrated effort at it. Confine your business discussions to business hours or set aside a specific time to discuss the business.

For example, take the last half hour of the day, and discuss the business day; any suggestions you have, what was accomplished, what needs to be done tomorrow, during the week, how are the monthly goals you set at the beginning of the month progressing. Remember to couch any criticisms or suggestions in a positive vein. Think of how you felt in the work situation and how supervisors dealt with you when making suggestions. Negatives only cause resentment. They do in the corporate arena, and even more so, when dealing with a spouse you must live with 24 hours a day. Be sure to set aside time for each other-go for walks, out to dinner, or just for a drive with your spouse. Do not discuss business.

You should have outside activities that are not business related. If not, join a group that interests you. It will allow you to meet with others who are not connected to your business. Running a home-based business can be very lonely; getting away from the home, and having outside interests is imperative.

In addition to the problems inherent to couples running a business, starting a home-based business presents its own set of problems and questions. Before you start be sure to ask yourself the following:

1. Are you self-motivated? Organized? Able to prioritize your work? You will no longer have a supervisor or a boss to tell you what to do. You will be the decision maker. You will have to motivate yourself. One way to accomplish this is to use a To Do List and stick to it. In addition, set definitive business hours, and stick to them.

2. Will you be able to deal with the isolation? You will no longer meet people in the halls, congregate around the coffee pot, or take a break to talk with your co-workers. To combat the loneliness and isolation be sure to join groups that meet outside the home, or schedule luncheons with friends and associates.

3. Write up a business plan. Be sure the business is something that interests you. You might want to start on a part-time basis, and grow from there. Research the business carefully, make sure there is a market, and the competition is not overwhelming.

4. Be sure you have at least six months living expenses set aside. This will give you the time to work through the marketing strategy outlined in your business plan, and avoid bad marketing practices. In addition, if changes need to be made, you can do so, without monetary concerns becoming an issue.

5. Be sure your office space is located in a separate room or area of your home that offers the least distractions. A separate office is best, especially if you are meeting with clients. Remember to always present a professional appearance.

6. When will you do your regular household chores? Make up a schedule of when you will deal with them. Some individuals find getting chores done before the start of the work day is best. At the end of the day, close your office door and then deal with the remaining household items that need to be handled. Time management will be a very important factor in running a home-based business.

7. For husband and wife teams, it becomes imperative to have some form of disability insurance for each other. Remember, even though your partner may be your husband or wife, he or she is still your business partner. An accident or illness to one of you can severely impact the operation of the business.

A business is only as good as you and your partner make it. It takes a lot of dedication, time and energy to run a business, whether it is home-based or not. It can be a very rewarding experience. Think carefully, and ask yourself a lot of self-searching questions before you begin.

Copyright 2000, DeFiore Enterprises

Interested in having your own successful, home based creative real estate investing business? Chuck and Sue have been helping folks start successful home based businesses for over 19 years, and we can help you too! To see how, visit http://www.homebusinesssolutions.com for the latest FREE tips and tricks, educational products and coaching in creative real estate investing and home based businesses. No time to visit the site? Subscribe to our “how to” Home Business Solutions Digest, it’s like having your own personal coach: subscribeHBS@homebusinesssolutions.com

With today’s economy, and the layoffs occurring as a result of these economic conditions, more and more people are opting to start their own business. Due to the low start up costs, the prevalence of home-based businesses is on the rise, many of these started by husband and wife teams.

With the move from the corporate world to the home-based, couples are finding that a new set of problems are occurring. In the corporate arena, two major areas of importance are profits and communication with employees. This is done through evaluations, reviews, meetings, or a company newsletter outlining company policies and news. All administrators realize that a happy and informed employee is more efficient and productive; in effect, increasing their profits.

Research on martial separation and divorce indicates two of the main causes of separation and divorce are communication and money, very much like corporate concerns. In the past, spouses worked in their respective jobs, and came home to discuss what was going on in the work place. In effect, they were sounding boards for one another. With the move to the home front, especially with starting up businesses together, the sounding boards are gone.

In effect, placing couples in a start-up business can cause a myriad of problems, previously seen only in the corporate world, in addition to the normal stumbling blocks of starting up a business. Too many couples working together are not practicing good communication skills. Lack of communication, can cause one spouse to feel that he or she is carrying all the business and monetary responsibility.

Keep Your Marriage Solid

If you and your spouse have decided to run a business together, be sure to discuss and outline the following:

Delineate responsibility. Decide who is going to handle what business matters. In addition, be sure you both know how to accomplish these functions. Unfortunately, illness occurs – you need to be able to back up each other in all aspects of the business. For example, if one of you does all the bank statements, be sure your spouse understands how this is accomplished, so if necessary, they can also handle this responsibility. If you have a set procedure you follow and a way you want it done, make up an outline, so it is accomplished in the manner you want.

Marketing, return calls, daily correspondence, invoicing, weekly and/or monthly expenses, supplies, calendaring, appointments, deposits, bank statements, implementation of the business plan, attendance at meetings (e.g. Chamber mixers, National groups, User groups, etc.) all need to be taken care of. You will have to split these responsibilities between you. Again, be sure you know how each is implemented, so in an emergency, you can back each other up.

Delineate responsibilities according to likes and dislikes and who will do the best job. We all have our little niches, and if it is something we like and do well, we can accomplish it better and more efficiently. Once the responsibilities have been delineated, make up a schedule for each item you both need to deal with. Again, you must be able to act as each others back up.

Marketing is a major obstacle. Most individuals do not like to use cold calling as a medium to promote their business. Be sure both of you are involved. Do not let one person handle this. In addition, develop a marketing strategy. Will you market daily, weekly, monthly? What kind of marketing will you do-advertising, cold calls, direct mail, etc. Again, be sure you both are involved. This is important because money and marketing are tied together. The more you market, the more aware the marketplace will be of the services you offer. If only one individual is marketing and monies are fluctuating, there is more tension between the partners to make the business successful. No one individual should have to carry this on their shoulders, or perceive that they do. In addition, with both spouses marketing, one person cannot blame the other for the success or failure of the business.

The Most Important Tool

Remember, the most important tool you both have is communication. Don’t expect your spouse to read your mind. Keep the marriage and business separate. It’s difficult, especially if you are home-based, but it can be done. If you have a problem with the way your spouse is accomplishing a task in the business environment, discuss it immediately. Do not wait. Do not let this build into anger that is transferred to your personal relationship. Remember that keeping your business and personal relationships separate is very important to the survival of both your business and your marriage.

In Part II of this article we will discuss how to implement this strategy.

Copyright 2000, DeFiore Enterprises

Interested in having your own successful, home based creative real estate investing business? Chuck and Sue have been helping folks start successful home based businesses for over 19 years, and we can help you too! To see how, visit http://www.homebusinesssolutions.com for the latest FREE tips and tricks, educational products and coaching in creative real estate investing and home based businesses. No time to visit the site? Subscribe to our “how to” Home Business Solutions Digest, it’s like having your own personal coach: subscribeHBS@homebusinesssolutions.com

A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The former is an honourable state, the latter is not.

When a woman loses her husband to death the neighbours all rally round and provide meals and any help they can give with regard to household repairs or cleaning or anything that is needed. They are willing to provide comfort and a shoulder to cry on. They are available for the widow and they include her in their activities, feeling sorry for her that she is now so alone.

However, things are quite different when a marriage ends due to infidelity or marital breakdown. That immediately plunges a woman into a new category. She is transformed, instantaneously it seems,from a married woman to a divorcee. Becoming one of many, part of a group of used and discarded women, seen as suspect by all those who are still safely ensconced in the womb of their marriage.

People tend to withdraw from her. Invitations to get togethers cease. It appears that women think their husbands might be attracted to the idea of an available woman and so the women who used to be friends withdraw and leave her alone with her tears and her fears. There are no meals prepared and no offers of help. Husbands are kept at home just in case, for such is the image portrayed of a divorcee. The husbands might not be safe. She might cause the destruction of other marriages.

We read jokes all the time about the lonely divorcee who invites the mailman, the milkman, or the Maytag repairman into her home with the intent of seducing him. (A joke made up, I am sure, by a man who has never known the humiliation and pain of being a divorcee.) Perhaps she even seduces them one right after the other, for such is the life of the gay divorcee, isnt it? Freed from the bonds of marriage, with unmet needs and desires, divorcees are wanting to fill the void; or at least that is the popular image. And so in place of invitations to parties or neighbourhood barbeques which were formerly were issued to the couple and their family, there is an empty mailbox, and the phone stays quiet. She checks it every now and then to make sure it is still working.

The divorcee begins to feel as though she no longer exists; as if, because she is no longer half of a relationship, she ceases to be a part of the neighbourhood. Women who used to call her friend no longer call. Her children are not invited to play with the neighbours children. Perhaps the women feel they would be contaminated by the disease of divorce, as if it were a virus that could be caught, or maybe they just dont know how to talk to a newly divorced woman. A divorced man, on the other hand, is often seen as more eligible and is a welcome addition to many parties. His social life may increase, and because he usually does not have the children, his disposable income is often enough to keep him comfortably.

However, life goes on. The bills still have to be paid, the kids still have to be fed and they have to be clothed. Family chores that were done by two are now done by one. If the children are old enough, they can chip in and help with the household duties such as dishes and meal preparation and housecleaning. Because of the reduction in income, the divorcee is often forced to seek employment and then she has two jobs; one inside and one outside the home.

Sometimes the inside life doesnt change much. For those who had husbands who simply went to work and came home at night expecting to be waited on, their workload is reduced by one person, so this can be a blessing. But the availability of a backup when she is really tired and the kids are really obnoxious is a problem. She has to deal with all the problems, tired or not.

Because she has been ostracized by her neighbours she seeks out other divorcees for companionship, often building relationships and forming deep bonds that last for years as they share the day to day problems and achievements. They get together with their kids and pool their resources for family dinners. They support each other in job searches, in the handling of problems, in the fights with their exes. They listen to each other and care for each others children.

Sometimes, because of the great reduction in income, divorcees are forced to apply for an allowance from the provincial government. This is known as welfare or Mothers Allowance. There they are told that they have no right to have a phone or a car, or any of the things they consider necessities but the government considers luxuries, such as a heating bill over the allotted amount. Widows, on the other hand, usually receive a pension from their husbands estate which they can spend however they want, with no rules. The divorcees are told to sell the car and get rid of the phone, even if they are out in the country. If they have a house, they might have to give it up and move the children to a new area. Sometimes, in order to survive, they may use credit cards to buy the things they feel they need for their kids for school and other activities. They may not be able to send their kids on school trips or buy the clothes that the kids need to fit in and so their kids may be ridiculed because of the way they dress. When the kids come home crying, they often feel guilty and wonder if they couldnt have worked things out better with their ex-husbands. They cry but try to hide the tears from their children, not wanting to upset them.

When the divorcee ventures into the realms of the full-time employee instead of part-time, she must find a babysitter for her kids, arrange everyones schedule and settle into her new lifestyle. She tries to find a boss who is willing to let her attend the various special events at her childrens school and cries silently to herself when she is unable to attend a day graduation due to work, or when she is unable to see her children receive sports awards, but she knows that she is doing the best she can. She attends what she can in the evenings and on weekends and hopes it is enough.

As the divorcee settles into life on her own, she may begin to find advantages such as being able to go where she wants, when she wants and with whom she wants. She has only to consider herself, and her kids, if she has any. Eventually the heartaches will ease a little and the divorcee will reach out to others a little more, perhaps even being willing to take the risk of dating another man.

Her circumstances may not have changed a lot. She still struggles to pay bills, to provide for her kids, yet she finds her life is full. Not the rumoured life of the gay divorcee, replete with men or with parties and wild living, but one of love for her kids, and perhaps of studying for a degree while working in a fulfilling career where helping others. She has weathered the storms of life and feels that she has come out on top. Her children move on to their own homes and to employment. Perhaps her eldest has his dream job, that of webmaster and service technician. Another may become the youngest Inventory Control Manager and the only female one in Eastern Ontario for a large soft drink company. Another, with a child of her own, may work part-time and plan to return to school to take an Esthetics course. Her children could be very involved in hockey, perhaps playing at the AA level or Junior A level which requires a lot of travelling and sacrifice of personal time. But to her it is all worth it to watch her child score the winning goal and to see the smile on his face as he turns from the net. Her heart swells with pride as his teammates congratulate him and the parents lean over to say how well he played.

Yes, life continues after divorce, the pain and heartache suffered in the beginning eventually fade somewhat and the divorcee finds the strength to survive and, more than that, to move on to whatever the future has in store.

For more poetry and stories you can go to Fran’s webpage http://www.franwatson.ca

Arranged marriages have been a topic of interest for centuries. Authors across the ages have explored this theme at length, and it still surfaces in literary works today. What’s the appeal? Is it the fascination with the lack of lust and desire we cultivate in North American society? We strive on the element of danger, of the forbidden, while an arranged marriage is usually a safe way to ensure a family’s approval of a union.

And yet, many of today’s romance novels deal with marriages of convenience. Weve all read them: the heroine marries the hero because she needs him, whether for financial reasons, or because her children need a father — there are as many reasons to marry as there are novels dealing with this subject. Yet although the marriage isnt initially based on love, theres always that sensual tension simmering beneath the surface, and as readers, we know its inevitable that the two are going to fall deeply and irrevocably in love.

But what about real life, where things dont always work out so well? Arranged marriages are commonplace in a number of countries, such as Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Japan and India. Theyre more common than youd think even in North America, where cultural diversity is cherished and encouraged.

Young people in countries where arranged marriages are commonplace are told from an early age that their spouse will be chosen for them. To deny an arranged marriage is seen as a sign of disrespect toward the family. But how are suitable spouses chosen? In Japan, for instance, “when a woman reaches the marriageable age of 25, she and her parents compile a packet of information about her, including a photograph of her in a kimono and descriptions of her family background, education, hobbies, accomplishments and interests. Her parents then inquire among their friends and acquaintances to see if anyone knows a man who would be a suitable husband for her” (the Asia Society’s Video Letter from Japan: My Family, 1988). Usually, the most important aspect of choosing a suitable spouse is the bond between the two families, rather than the relationship between the couple being married. Property or land with the aim of securing social status sometimes seals marriage agreements.

Do arranged marriages work? Opinions tend to differ. Statistics place the divorce rate for arranged marriages much lower than those in the United States, where marriages out of love are the rule. However, research also shows that the pressure a married couple encounters from both society as a whole, and from the respective families, suggests that divorce is often not an option.

Can love grow out of an arranged marriage? Absolutely, and in the same way that love can grow in romance novels from a marriage of convenience. But theres more to love than finding a suitable match. Love can grow for many reasons, from lust at first sight to friendship that develops over a long period of time. Its impossible to predict whether a union will be successful. The only two people who can make it work are the bride and groom, the hero and heroine of their own story.

Lacey Savage is the author of a number of sensual romance short stories, novels and novellas. Her articles and works of fiction often focus on women’s issues and relationships. Find out more about Lacey at http://www.laceysavage.com