This may come as a surprise, but many parents are unaware of the full extent of their child’s basic needs.
Do you remember the old song by Lennon and McCartney about the girl leaving home after ‘living alone for so many years’? The parents were desolate. They’d given her everything money could buy – so how could she possibly have been lonely and unhappy?
Clearly, there were some needs that just weren’t being met at home, so the girl upped and left.
What are these basic needs we must be aware of if we’re to be effective parents?
There are four categories: physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual.
So often people overestimate the first category, physical needs – but let’s not underestimate them either! We all need food and drink, warmth, clothing and shelter to protect us from the elements.
These will sustain life, but by themselves they won’t promote positive relationships. Some parents, however, shower their kids with material things in order to over- compensate for the other areas.
And we all know that, despite their wealth, many of these same kids are miserable. Their other needs are just not being met.
Probably the most obvious of these other needs is emotional in nature.
Love and affection are vital, but there’s more to it.
Children need constant reassurance! When our personalities are forming we are on the lookout for feedback, so that we know what to accept and what to reject.
We also form our picture of ourselves from the feedback we get from others, especially those who have ’significant’ roles in our lives: parents first, then siblings, relatives, teachers, friends and so on.
The bottom line is that a child doesn’t really know what to make of himself until that feedback comes in.
And they make value judgments so quickly! ‘Hey, I’m pretty good at this, everybody tells me so!’ Or how about, ‘Yeah, I guess I’m a pretty stupid, useless person. They always laugh at me. That’s if they take any notice at all!’
As a parent it’s easy for you to praise the child who’s doing well, but the child who’s struggling needs as much – no, needs more – praise and encouragement. And so often we overlook this.
If you take the time to listen to your kids, to take their interests and ideas seriously – even if they seem petty, trivial or irrelevant – then you are investing heavily in your children’s emotional well-being.
Although many parents are becoming aware of the emotional needs of children, some are a bit hazy when it comes to their intellectual needs.
There’s still a perception that those kids who do well at school just happen to be the ‘brainy’ ones. Yet a wide body of research suggests that school or ‘academic’ success will be determined by a child’s positive self-image AND by the stimulation and interaction the child receives at home.
These affect the thought-processes of the child, and the thought-processes (HOW the child thinks) are the tools used in learning.
Kids who perform well at school consistently come from homes where there’s a lot of mental stimulation through play, a variety of experiences, and interaction through discussion and conversation.
Finally, if intellectual needs are hazy, there appears to be downright confusion over spiritual needs.
That children have spiritual needs comes as a shock to some parents, and others hotly dispute this need. This seems to be because most people associate spiritual needs with religion, but they are not necessarily related to religious beliefs.
It’s generally accepted in modern educational and clinical psychology that we all have spiritual needs.
It’s helpful to make your kids aware that there are greater forces and powers at work in nature and in the universe, and that their lives work best when they are in harmony with these.
You can meet your kids’ spiritual needs by participating in your religion, but also by fostering a sense of awe and wonder about the grandeur of the world.
Teach your children to respect nature and the life force that permeates it.
On to this can be built an appreciation of the diversity and variety of human lives and customs.
As a result your kids will grow up with a value system, which when followed will lead to contentment and happiness.
A well-rounded individual, then, is one who’s needs are met in all the above categories: physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual.
Take action now to meet ALL your kid’s basic needs. It’s never too late, but obviously the earlier you start, the better. Your kids will be well-balanced and happy.
And you? Well, you’ll be taking pride and pleasure in a job well done!
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